A Love That Redeems – Even Our Beginnings

One definition of perception is as follows – Perception refers to the way sensory information is organized, interpreted, and consciously experienced. Throughout our life, our experiences and the things we are taught become the influences which form our beliefs and opinions, and constantly alter and change our perceptions. Probably the biggest discovery I have made, is how far away from truth our ill formed perceptions can take us. Take my perception of Who God is – until more recent years I believed He was a mystery, real but mostly distant – more of a judge who was silent for the most part until I did something wrong, then quickly swooping in to chastise and correct me until I was able to return to more acceptable behaviors. I was torn – I did believe He was righteous, holy, just and pure – all powerful and almighty. But I couldn’t seem to summon up enough internal evidence to trust Him to the degree I could accept His mercy and forgiveness and most of all accept and begin to experience the magnitude of His love for me, the disqualified one, whom I feared may be beyond all hope.

In His divine patience and longsuffering over the years of my faith journey, He has not abandoned me – rather He has stayed close – awaiting the moment I would sincerely seek Him, opening my heart to the Truth of Who He is so I could experience Him as He is. As I explained in prior posts, knowing Him as He really is, (through the filter of Biblical scripture, not my perceptions) opens the door to experiencing Him as He is, and this is the only pathway to developing an intimate relationship with Him.

After experiencing Jesus in the midst of the emotion surrounding me as a little child when the rocker broke (see prior post The Broken Rocker) I was committed to learning more. This was not the God I had cautiously held in my beliefs throughout my life – this was something very personal – close, and safe – this was someone Who loved me without condemnation and judgement, someone I could trust, someone I now deeply wanted to know intimately.

I began to reach out to learn more about how I could meet with Jesus in my secret place and experience Him as I had with Audrey in Phoenix. I desperately wanted more of this indescribable love I now knew existed – for me too! I wanted to experience His love that was pure, soft, kind and compassionate – not hard, harsh, sharp or pressing – not accusing, critical and punitive. It reminded me of what the scripture speaks of in Matthew 11:28-30 CAMP:

28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]

29 Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.

30 For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good–not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.

I always loved this passage of scripture but I had not experienced it as true in my life. But I sure wanted to! Let me share the next transformational moments with Jesus – but first consider this important truth recently shared by a well known pastor:

Regarding seeing God as He really is, “you cannot get closer to God than your concept of Him will allow – you will not seek an impersonal, austere God Who you don’t believe loves you and is mad at you and Who you don’t believe is loving and merciful.”1 This was my experience – until my concept of Who God is changed AND I began to experience Him as a deeply intimate, loving God, closeness with Him was impossible.

As I began to clumsily practice what I had learned about entering the place the Psalmist David called “the secret place,” I became more confident and able to experience the freedom of going to be with Jesus with no preplanned agenda. And quite quickly He began to take me to events in my childhood where He would become a transformational part of the images my memories held.

Newly turned five, my world changed as my older sister, was tasked with walking me to school and leaving me in the Primary lineup outside the entrance. I don’t remember all the details but what I do remember is as soon as she left, somehow I quickly retraced my steps and found my way back home. The noise, the activity and the unknown beyond that big heavy elementary school door were overwhelming. But what remained written in the beliefs of my heart was the words spoken upon my unexpected arrival back home.

I didn’t expect what happened in the next most significant time with Jesus in my secret place. Suddenly we were in the big living room with the high ceilings with the big window facing the sidewalk that took me to school and thankfully, back home again. The room was filled with white, Jesus was there emanating kindness, love, acceptance and safety. Together we watched through the big window facing the sidewalk as I came into view. The words greeting me were overshadowed by His arms scooping me up, holding me in safety, shielding me, filling me with His unconditional love and acceptance. I was in awe of His white Presence that overcame everything else and brought healing and truth into my heart – He loved me, accepted me and He was a place of safety. It was okay, He understood. Many, many times since that first experience we have returned to the big white room. I may not understand it all but through these visits I began to truly know Him as He really is – through experiencing Him as a child. And my trust in Him began to develop.

While we live “in time” here on earth, Jesus is outside of time in eternity and can freely move back into time. He is a Restorer of your life – from the very beginnings to your now. I recently heard a Bible teacher say “you will only experience transformation to the degree you come to know Him.”2 I can tell you from first hand experience – this is absolutely true.

Jesus told the woman at the well “…….If you only knew who I am and the gift that God wants to give you, you’d ask me for a drink, and I would give you living water.” John 4:10 TPT

Do you know Him at a heart level, personally, intimately? Do you experience Him as He really is? My fervent prayer is you will seek Him until you do – you will never be the same.

Thank you for joining me! Stay tuned for my next post! And feel free to leave a comment.

1. Pastor Jimmy Evans
2. Dr. Jim Richards